Hope UR OK Hun by Hun

Author:Hun
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blackstaff Press Ltd
Published: 2014-06-18T00:00:00+00:00

De next mornin’ I drop me angles round to me ma’s an’ head into town to meet Tiffo for a fry. Few sausies an’ rashers an’ a bit of white puddin’, fukin’ luvly. She shows me de flier dat hur ma got in Aldi. Dey have dresses, veils, gloves an’ shoes an’ even de rosary beads. I’m tinkin’ to meself, dis cud be de answer to me prayers. Aldi does be verdy good value.

‘We shud get a move on, Hun, I’d say de queue is a mile long already. Dey’re only goin’ on sale dis mornin’.’

We walk around to Aldi an’ Tiffo’s right, der’s a mahoosive queue goin’ right all de way down Parnell street. I ask dis oul wan in de queue what de story is, an’ she says dey’re just bringing de stock in off de truck now an’ dey’ll be open at ten.

‘I’m hopin’ to get some nice accessories for me granddaughter,’ she says. ‘Some gloves an’ a veil an’ dat. She’ll be only delighra!’

‘Yeah whatever, I didn’t ask for yer life story,’ I say.

Tiffo hands me a smoke an’ we light up, tryin’ to figure out what to do next. She says de fella she was seein’ before Christmas used to work here an’ on his lunch break dey used go down de laneway where de loadin’ bay was an’ she’d give him a quick hand shandy. De durt.

‘I think I remember where it is, Hun, de truck might still be der! C’mon down heyour wit me.’

We start walkin’ down de side of de buildin’ an’ der’s a smell of piss an’ der’s used rubbers all over de ground. Can’t believe de durty bitch used to be pullin’ dat fella off down here. We walk around de corner an’ der’s de truck, still bein’ unloaded. Bingo! A fella climbs out of de back of it carryin’ a bundle of white dresses all wrapped in plastic.

‘What are you girls doing here?’ He shouts over at us. ‘This area is staff only.’

‘We’re lookin’ for Vlad!’ Tiffo says. ‘Is he in der?’

‘Hold on now an’ I’ll see.’

Yer man walks into de loadin’ bay an’ me an’ Tiffo leg it over to de back of de truck. Tiffo clasps hur hands togedder an’ bends down to give me a hoosh up. I take a runnin’ jump up an’ she yelps.

‘Jesus, you’ve put on weight, Hun!’ she says, wincin’.

‘Wud ye fuk off!’

I get inside de truck an’ der’s fukin’ tonnes of stuff – dresses, veils, gloves, rosettes, I’ve hit de fukin’ jackpot! Gerrup de yard! I start goin’ tru de dresses tryin’ to find a nice wan dat wud fit me princess when Tiffo sticks hur head in de back.

‘Hurry up, Hun, I tink dey’re comin’ back!’ she whispers at me.

‘Keep dem occupied will ye? I need a few minutes.’

‘Are ye takin’ de piss? Get a fukin’ move on. I don’t want to see Vlad an’ yer gonna get caught rapid in de back of dat fukin’ truck!’

Next ting hur head disappears an’ I can heyour some fordin fella shoutin’ at hur an’ hur givin’ out murdur.

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